Inspiration... Trans Girls' Names

I found this on Tumblr and it's got me thinking more about names.

Here's to trans girls' names.

Trans girls’ names that have a deep, symbolic meaning to them. 

Trans girls’ names that were taken from a celebrity.

Trans girls’ names that were made up with on the spot.

Trans girls’ names that people don’t think are “real” names.

Trans girls’ names that were their birth names. trans girls’ names that are variations of their birth name.

Trans girls' names that celebrate an inspirational but fictional character. (I added this one!)

Your name is deep and powerful, and it’s perfect for you, if you think so too.

Motivation... "Realiti" by Grimes

Due to space limitations, "Realiti" didn't make the vinyl edition of Grimes' album "Art Angels", but I am so glad she included it with the digital download! It's been an absolute favourite song since getting the record late last year, and it's become the definitive song that gets me up and moving every morning! I just don't tire of it! The beat, the soundscape of it, that chorus:

"Oh, baby every morning there are mountains to climb
Taking all my time
Oh, when I get up, this is what I see
Welcome to reality
Oh, baby, every morning there are mountains to climb
Taking all my time
Oh, when I get up, this is what I see
Welcome to reality"

I hear these lines and I feel like "I accept there are obstacles in life, but take heart and overcome them!"

I love the video! It just makes me want to move and dance like her! So very thankful for her music at this time in my life! 

Appreciation... The Acceptance of Dear Friends!

My birthday was a month ago today, and that's reason enough to show off this really sweet card, my good friend and co-worker Nicky, got for me! It just made me smile and tear up all at once! It’s little things like this that make me feel good about this path I’m on, and so very lucky to have some true friends who support me!

Inspiration... "There Is No Name Yet"

"There Is No Name Yet"

by Dorothea Lasky

“Until I find a name
I will not put it in the soul calculator
I will leave it free and open and unnamed
And not limit my expectations for the kind of person
That goes in one direction of the wind
I will keep all lines of the wind open
And place all my days free and empty
And re-envision what it means to be unencumbered
Or bereft
Not crying but the expanse of numbers
That go beyond the grave to what is left
And it may be true
I said it could be true
That the sunny days do stick to walls
And then enter you
It may be true that the purple bells do chime
Everyday you let them
It may be true that the sweet juice
I put across my lips would not be my last
But that the nights could get better and better
Until the evil is banished until the day
When the sun would crush it anyway
It was true without a set of things like letters
It was true the air was free and open
And I saw things as they were
Without violence
For the first time”

I've been putting a lot of thought into the question of a name lately. As I am still not out to many people in my life, I haven’t had to really step up and say I’d like you to use my new name… (fill in the blank). But this is something I hope to resolve soon. I imagine I can’t be the only one who has ever had so much back and forth when faced with this choice. I will always probably be “Jo” as I am planning on making “Josephine” a part of my name. I love the name “Audrey”, but I also like the name Alysia. I’ve had some fun going by “Audrey” or “Audrey Jo” online as I sign up for Ulta coupons, Modcloth newsletters, and on Tumblr, the I love the nickname, AJ. But I also feel awkward about it, so I start to think it’s a silly idea.  Of course, I do that with so many thing now, as I struggle to find comfort in this skin. But this poem has really given me a sense of inspiration to work harder to resolve some of these questions I still have about my transition, my presentation, and my hopes as I keep "all lines of the wind open" before me.

Confession... "Most people think I am writing a blog, but if you look closer, actually I am planning my escape."

I adore this short film. I found it a few years ago, and I think I feel a different set of emotions each time I watch it. It's charmingly French, especially as it offers several nods to classic French cinema. There's moments that make me laugh, but it often makes me quite sad too. There's a loneliness, a feeling of a sincere desperation to share something of yourself with someone. When you're lonely, there can be so much joy when someone enters your world if even for a little while. Even once you reach the end and discover "who" her visitor is I can't help feeling it's rather bittersweet. Watch it yourself and decide how you feel. I should add that the video's descrption offers these details: "Jeanne Damas humorously portrays the tormented soul of the self-indulgent 'Bohemian' who can't decide which pieces from & Other Stories' collection to wear. Director Wendy McColm presents a darker subtext that point to the changes that need to be made to the way in which women are portrayed both in, and by the fashion industry."

Inspiration... The Spook School

Music is the thing that keeps me going. It's always done that for me, and it's even more important now. Especially this band, The Spook School. I know there’s a number of transgender/gender queer artists out there, but this band really does it for me! This song especially has become a true favourite! It’s what I do every single day… I Try To Be Hopeful. 

“Sometimes I get so hopeful I make myself scared / that I will wake up and the hope will disappear 
Sometimes I see you clench your fists and close your eyes / like you’re dreading the same thing / like you’re saying your goodbyes

I’ve been waiting outside for what seems like years / when I finally get inside I’ll give in to the fear 
of finally having what I want, I’ll finally know / if this really really will fix me / if my problems will all sail away

and I know, you’ve been finding things hard / if you want to we can sit outside / and talk about anything else / and I know, you’ve been upset / I know I’m not the best, but I’ll try

I’ll try, try to be hopeful / if you try, try to be hopeful

(and we can be/the best people we could ever be)”

"There's Always Music in the Air"

When I started this blog years ago, one of the biggest focuses I had at the time was music, and this passion certainly remains. So in order to get back on track a bit, I thought I could start with a little bit of music catch-up, because a lot of new sounds have entered my life in the last two years!

It's hard to even decide where to begin, so I'll simply pick a song by an artist I'm really enjoying these days. That artist is songwriter and producer, Gabrielle Smith, and her recording project as Eskimeaux. Smith adopted this moniker in 2007, when she began creating experimental and noise albums. In the years that followed, her music transformed into a more refined sound with an increasing focus on structured songwriting. This shift is especially evident on her last album, "O.K." which she describes as "beat-driven and poetic bedroom pop." Eskimeaux is also one of the founding members of The Epoch, a Brooklyn-based songwriting and art collective. This is the single "Broken Necks" from her 2015 album, "O.K.", and she's set to have a brand new EP, "Year of the Rabbit" available on April 15, 2016.

This is a great song for this time of year as "The birds are singing louder and the days are getting longer..." but it's a springtime song that carries a tinge of sadness too.