Oh, this June is going to be so important for me, because as of ten o'clock this morning I was lucky enough to get tickets to see Chvrches on June 12th in Baltimore! This is just so wonderful! Their album "Every Open Eye" is absolutely my favourite album that came out in 2015! If I had to make a soundtrack of my transition, there would be many Chvrches songs on the list for certain! Their music has kept my spirit upbeat and dancing, positive and courageous! I'm just so happy to be able to finally see them!
"I believe, I believe... and tell myself to think forward..."
Friday, May 27, 2016
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Inspiration... New Doors
Been feeling pretty good this week, and thinking a lot about the future. I just feel really encouraged about my transition and in what's possible for me, so it time to make some plans for it!
I don't have much time for any more of a post this morning, but I saw this image and wanted to hang on to it. Here's hoping and to opening some new doors!
I don't have much time for any more of a post this morning, but I saw this image and wanted to hang on to it. Here's hoping and to opening some new doors!
Monday, May 23, 2016
Inspiration... Magical Girl Comics
After my earlier Sailor Moon post, I got to thinking about this magical girl image series I saw on Tumblr months ago!
I wish I knew where this comic is from, and if the dialogue is original or if it was developed by someone on their own or with appropriated images?
Either way, it makes me smile!
Oh, if only it were so easy... :)
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Truest affection... Sailor Moon!
In living more openly and honestly in my life, I have come to discover there's a lot of sort of guilty pleasures that I can indulge in now in ways I never really could before! And one of the biggest secret passions of mine is the anime series, Sailor Moon!
The series itself debuted in the States in 1992, and I was certainly aware of it but I didn't truly discover the series for myself until it was over. I moved to Canada in 1998 to go to art school, and for the first time in my life I had the experience of living with roommates. I found it challenging to live with these two guys I barely knew, but fortunately one of them was the best friend of my girlfriend at that time. Mark was a good guy, who went to school part-time, but mostly worked at a Tim Horton's and always came home smelling of coffee. He was funny, but a bit troubled and struggled with depression. He was gay, and he had a very cool boyfriend when I first met him. When that guy broke his heart, I got to discover how much he truly loved Cher. Another big interest of Mark's was the cartoon adventures of Sailor Moon and her friends! It was his go-to-show every day after work while he'd have his go-to-dinner of Spaghetti-O's. At first, I didn't know what to think of it. I thought "Oh, I don't want to watch that. I'll go eat my dinner in the kitchen." But I remember hearing the chatter of the characters about love and courage and friendship while I sat eating a lonely dinner in the next room. It wasn't long at all before I found myself on the other end of the sofa! I started with the end of the series, so there was a lot of confusion about what was going on at first. But fortunately, Mark was rather informed on the show, and there were a few great sites online to learn more! As I came to learn the show's story and especially its cast of characters, I really came to understand why Mark liked it!
Sailor Moon was the alter ego of this lovable crybaby, Usagi Tsukino. However when she called out the right magic words and held up her magical pen, her powers activated to transform her into a powerful force to be reckoned with -she became the guardian, Sailor Moon! She was a good person, and the friendships she forged laid the foundation of the team that came to be with the other Sailor Scouts! Ami (Sailor Mercury), the nerdy girl outcast; Rei (Sailor Mars), the slightly older and spiritual girl from a local Shrine; Matoko (Sailor Venus), the new girl at school who was too tall for a girl, and then Minako (Sailor Venus), who was already operating on her own, fighting as the publicly known superhero, Sailor V! Throw in an exciting backstory of ruined kingdoms and lost love; Luna, a cat charged with the responsibility to unite these lost guardians; a dashing ally in the mysterious stranger named Tuxedo Mask; then add a slew of nefarious cosmic villains and a handful of other Scouts and Stars, and that's a recipe for one very adventurous and beautifully tender series!
Part of the magic of this series for so many fans is that it's been so empowering for women! Sailor Moon's creator, Naoko Takeuchi, gave the world its first ever all-girl superhero team, and they worked together to stand against every threat that came at them! Sure there was that guy Tuxedo Mask, who fought hard to protect Sailor Moon. But overall, these girls took care of themselves, and they had a beautiful friendship that banded them together! The show is also quite notable for its decent and honest portrayals of lesbian and even transgender characters, and in doing so the show has empowered those audiences and earned a devoted fan base with many young LGBTQ people, both then and now!
Now is an exciting time for Sailor Moon fans, as Sailor Moon kicked off a relaunch of the series in 2014, with the new series "Pretty Guardian, Sailor Moon: Crystal". This series is the most faithful adaptation of the manga yet to be released, and corresponds perfectly with the twelve volume series printed by Kondansha Publishing. The censored love stories and rewritten identities that created many problems in the overall storyline of the original five seasons have been restored to their original Japanese characterisations and plot. This is particularly exciting now in the present episodes of the third season, "Infnity", as these current episodes have introduced Mirichu Kiaoh (Sailor Neptune) and Haruka Tenou,(Sailor Uranus), whose relationship was censored originally in many international markets for the show. They are tricky characters as Haruka presents herself as a man during their class time at school and in her profession as a race car driver, all the while the partner of Mirichu. By night though, Haruka is most certainly a woman! But as she says to Usagi who eventually questions Haruka about this shifting gender presentation, to which Haruka replies "A man or a woman... is it that important?"
But Haruka isn't the only character whose shifting gender identity challenged society's understanding of gender presentation. There's an entire group of Guardians beyond the Outer Senshi known as the Sailor Starlights, who initially come to Earth as male and pass themselves off as a trio of Japanese boy pop stars, but when they use their powers to transform, all three become beautiful women!
If I've ever seen something and had a private "What the what???" moment to myself, this was it! If I had any doubts about the Magical Girl genre of manga and anime being for me, this take on that troupe in the original Sailor Moon anime series certainly did much to make me feel right at home! I know they weren't really transgender, and I know that this was a departure in the anime versus the original manga, but I was thankful for this moment. I saw this as a 23 year old person, who felt very hurt and confused inside so much of the time, and it did give me a small bit of hope at acceptance someday. I don't think I had any real sense of the possibility of transitioning or even what that was really in 1999, but there was always some glimmer of private hope that something could happen in this lifetime to bring me to a true place with myself. I've always thought that part of the magic of superheroes and such characters when you're young is that they inspire you to be your best self. To me that is what all of the heroines and those incredible cats on Sailor Moon have given me - the courage to be my best self and to do the best I can for those I love! How can you not hold a place in your heart for a cartoon like that!
If you've never discovered the magic of Sailor Moon then I've got to stop right now and recommend Sailor Moon Crystal! It is the most faithful adaptation of Naoko Takeuchi's original manga that has been animated to date! The show's look has been slightly updated and the original relationships and identities are uncensored. The new theme songs are so catchy and bright! The first two seasons are available on Hulu now, and the Season Three Infinity arc is coming out in real time through Hulu now, with a new episode available every Monday! Just check out the show's opening!
Last but not least, if you'd like to hear more of an LGBT response to the show from the young people who grew up and relied on the series and its empowering message and characters, check out this video from the Vice series on pop culture phenomenons, American Obsessions. They have a wonderful ten minute piece devoted to Sailor Moon.
That's all I have to share this post! I hope you may have learned something about Sailor Moon or if you've always been a fan, I hope my feelings on the show made you smile and feel your own feels for the series! Until next time, remember that "the Moonlight is the Messenger of Love!"
The series itself debuted in the States in 1992, and I was certainly aware of it but I didn't truly discover the series for myself until it was over. I moved to Canada in 1998 to go to art school, and for the first time in my life I had the experience of living with roommates. I found it challenging to live with these two guys I barely knew, but fortunately one of them was the best friend of my girlfriend at that time. Mark was a good guy, who went to school part-time, but mostly worked at a Tim Horton's and always came home smelling of coffee. He was funny, but a bit troubled and struggled with depression. He was gay, and he had a very cool boyfriend when I first met him. When that guy broke his heart, I got to discover how much he truly loved Cher. Another big interest of Mark's was the cartoon adventures of Sailor Moon and her friends! It was his go-to-show every day after work while he'd have his go-to-dinner of Spaghetti-O's. At first, I didn't know what to think of it. I thought "Oh, I don't want to watch that. I'll go eat my dinner in the kitchen." But I remember hearing the chatter of the characters about love and courage and friendship while I sat eating a lonely dinner in the next room. It wasn't long at all before I found myself on the other end of the sofa! I started with the end of the series, so there was a lot of confusion about what was going on at first. But fortunately, Mark was rather informed on the show, and there were a few great sites online to learn more! As I came to learn the show's story and especially its cast of characters, I really came to understand why Mark liked it!
Sailor Moon was the alter ego of this lovable crybaby, Usagi Tsukino. However when she called out the right magic words and held up her magical pen, her powers activated to transform her into a powerful force to be reckoned with -she became the guardian, Sailor Moon! She was a good person, and the friendships she forged laid the foundation of the team that came to be with the other Sailor Scouts! Ami (Sailor Mercury), the nerdy girl outcast; Rei (Sailor Mars), the slightly older and spiritual girl from a local Shrine; Matoko (Sailor Venus), the new girl at school who was too tall for a girl, and then Minako (Sailor Venus), who was already operating on her own, fighting as the publicly known superhero, Sailor V! Throw in an exciting backstory of ruined kingdoms and lost love; Luna, a cat charged with the responsibility to unite these lost guardians; a dashing ally in the mysterious stranger named Tuxedo Mask; then add a slew of nefarious cosmic villains and a handful of other Scouts and Stars, and that's a recipe for one very adventurous and beautifully tender series!
Part of the magic of this series for so many fans is that it's been so empowering for women! Sailor Moon's creator, Naoko Takeuchi, gave the world its first ever all-girl superhero team, and they worked together to stand against every threat that came at them! Sure there was that guy Tuxedo Mask, who fought hard to protect Sailor Moon. But overall, these girls took care of themselves, and they had a beautiful friendship that banded them together! The show is also quite notable for its decent and honest portrayals of lesbian and even transgender characters, and in doing so the show has empowered those audiences and earned a devoted fan base with many young LGBTQ people, both then and now!
Now is an exciting time for Sailor Moon fans, as Sailor Moon kicked off a relaunch of the series in 2014, with the new series "Pretty Guardian, Sailor Moon: Crystal". This series is the most faithful adaptation of the manga yet to be released, and corresponds perfectly with the twelve volume series printed by Kondansha Publishing. The censored love stories and rewritten identities that created many problems in the overall storyline of the original five seasons have been restored to their original Japanese characterisations and plot. This is particularly exciting now in the present episodes of the third season, "Infnity", as these current episodes have introduced Mirichu Kiaoh (Sailor Neptune) and Haruka Tenou,(Sailor Uranus), whose relationship was censored originally in many international markets for the show. They are tricky characters as Haruka presents herself as a man during their class time at school and in her profession as a race car driver, all the while the partner of Mirichu. By night though, Haruka is most certainly a woman! But as she says to Usagi who eventually questions Haruka about this shifting gender presentation, to which Haruka replies "A man or a woman... is it that important?"
But Haruka isn't the only character whose shifting gender identity challenged society's understanding of gender presentation. There's an entire group of Guardians beyond the Outer Senshi known as the Sailor Starlights, who initially come to Earth as male and pass themselves off as a trio of Japanese boy pop stars, but when they use their powers to transform, all three become beautiful women!
If I've ever seen something and had a private "What the what???" moment to myself, this was it! If I had any doubts about the Magical Girl genre of manga and anime being for me, this take on that troupe in the original Sailor Moon anime series certainly did much to make me feel right at home! I know they weren't really transgender, and I know that this was a departure in the anime versus the original manga, but I was thankful for this moment. I saw this as a 23 year old person, who felt very hurt and confused inside so much of the time, and it did give me a small bit of hope at acceptance someday. I don't think I had any real sense of the possibility of transitioning or even what that was really in 1999, but there was always some glimmer of private hope that something could happen in this lifetime to bring me to a true place with myself. I've always thought that part of the magic of superheroes and such characters when you're young is that they inspire you to be your best self. To me that is what all of the heroines and those incredible cats on Sailor Moon have given me - the courage to be my best self and to do the best I can for those I love! How can you not hold a place in your heart for a cartoon like that!
If you've never discovered the magic of Sailor Moon then I've got to stop right now and recommend Sailor Moon Crystal! It is the most faithful adaptation of Naoko Takeuchi's original manga that has been animated to date! The show's look has been slightly updated and the original relationships and identities are uncensored. The new theme songs are so catchy and bright! The first two seasons are available on Hulu now, and the Season Three Infinity arc is coming out in real time through Hulu now, with a new episode available every Monday! Just check out the show's opening!
Last but not least, if you'd like to hear more of an LGBT response to the show from the young people who grew up and relied on the series and its empowering message and characters, check out this video from the Vice series on pop culture phenomenons, American Obsessions. They have a wonderful ten minute piece devoted to Sailor Moon.
That's all I have to share this post! I hope you may have learned something about Sailor Moon or if you've always been a fan, I hope my feelings on the show made you smile and feel your own feels for the series! Until next time, remember that "the Moonlight is the Messenger of Love!"
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Appreciation... New single by Chvrches!
Chvrches have become on of my favourite groups since the release of their album, "The Bones of What You Believe" debuted in 2013. Their sophomore album arrived on September 24th, 2015, and very quickly it became the album of my year! I still listen to it so much! But as a fan, I have to wonder what new music comes next for them, and last week, the band released a brand new single that they've created as a contribution to the soundtrack for the upcoming release of the video game, Mirror's Edge: Catalyst. I can't say I know much about video games at all, but I am most certainly hooked on this new track! Check it out and see what you think!
Monday, May 16, 2016
Celebration... Six Months HRT!
I had my fourth appointment at the Mazzoni Center today, and the checkup went really well! My doctor told me he'll need to see me in August, but after that I'll switch to annual visits. He spent a lot of time with me discussing how the hormones and the blocker are working to change my body, and I feel very encouraged about the results so far. I have definitely experienced some moodiness finally in all of this, but I feel much better now. After than appointment I decided to do a little shopping on South Street, and then I wanted to find two stores on Pine Street: Giovanni's AIDS Thrift Shop and a place called, Omoi Zakka Shop, which is a lifestyle store that I recently discovered online.
I really enjoyed just spending a day out walking in the sunshine. It did me so much good. I treated myself to a lite vegan lunch, and then found those shops and took home some very cute little things for myself to celebrate six months of HRT! The little bunny in the pink kimono just makes me smile! The girl at the shop told me that the bunny will ward of evil spirits and fire, to which I answered "Good! I'm scared of both of those things!"
This was the nicest day I have enjoyed just for myself in some time. I think that is something about these appointments in Philly that I really enjoy.
I really enjoyed just spending a day out walking in the sunshine. It did me so much good. I treated myself to a lite vegan lunch, and then found those shops and took home some very cute little things for myself to celebrate six months of HRT! The little bunny in the pink kimono just makes me smile! The girl at the shop told me that the bunny will ward of evil spirits and fire, to which I answered "Good! I'm scared of both of those things!"
This was the nicest day I have enjoyed just for myself in some time. I think that is something about these appointments in Philly that I really enjoy.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Inspiration... A little reminder...
This was the second thing I ever posted on Tumblr when I started my transgender page last year, and I think this is still very good for me to hold dear. A reminder to believe in myself that I needed then I need even more right now.
When I posted this image, only three in my life knew what I was feeling or ever heard me say the word "transgender" in regards to my identity. Now that number has grown many times over, and includes most of my close friends, all of my immediate family, and even a large number of the customers I've known over the years through work.
When this post was originally made, I was also only starting therapy, and all of my hopes were fixed on getting the letter from my psychologist to qualify to begin HRT. Now here I am, close to a year later, close to having completed six months of HRT!
There's a lot of work to be done for myself yet. I have so many questions and things to figure out! Things like when do I start making noticeable feminine changes to my appearance through makeup? How and when do I start to alter my wardrobe to be more feminine? Do I just sit and wait and see what my body and the hormones do before I start thinking any further about clothes? Do I let all of the people I interact with but haven't come out to know what's going on up front? Or do I let them sort of wonder for a while? Is this when I'm going to start losing people as they decide whether or not they can really stand by me through this? I hope I'm about to learn that they meant every word they said when I came out. I have times when I have been full of doubts about everything, but most of that just comes from my anxiety about what people think of me. I need to let that go and just keep my chin up. I was never everybody's cup of tea before, and it's okay not to be now.
It is so easy to lose hope sometimes about what is possible for me in this transition, but in working to be a truly authentic me I feel already that this has made me a better me. If there are times, when I can see no other change in me than that, I must take heart that this is worth it! I am in a place in my life I never ever thought I could actually reach. I fear sometimes I am not very brave, and I know how good I am at running away from things. But after years and years of operating this way, I'm honestly too tired to run away anymore. It is time to put my strengths and energies into fully making a life for myself that finally true.
Time to go practice a bit of self care, especially for my skin right now, take my pills, and then off to bed. I've been a little blue tonight, but tomorrow's another day to try again.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Inspiration... this simple message...
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