Inspiration... A little reminder...

This was the second thing I ever posted on Tumblr when I started my transgender page last year, and I think this is still very good for me to hold dear. A reminder to believe in myself that I needed then I need even more right now.

When I posted this image, only three in my life knew what I was feeling or ever heard me say the word "transgender" in regards to my identity. Now that number has grown many times over, and includes most of my close friends, all of my immediate family, and even a large number of the customers I've known over the years through work.

When this post was originally made, I was also only starting therapy, and all of my hopes were fixed on getting the letter from my psychologist to qualify to begin HRT. Now here I am, close to a year later, close to having completed six months of HRT!

There's a lot of work to be done for myself yet. I have so many questions and things to figure out! Things like when do I start making noticeable feminine changes to my appearance through makeup? How and when do I start to alter my wardrobe to be more feminine? Do I just sit and wait and see what my body and the hormones do before I start thinking any further about clothes? Do I let all of the people I interact with but haven't come out to know what's going on up front? Or do I let them sort of wonder for a while? Is this when I'm going to start losing people as they decide whether or not they can really stand by me through this? I hope I'm about to learn that they meant every word they said when I came out. I have times when I have been full of doubts about everything, but most of that just comes from my anxiety about what people think of me. I need to let that go and just keep my chin up. I was never everybody's cup of tea before, and it's okay not to be now.

It is so easy to lose hope sometimes about what is possible for me in this transition, but in working to be a truly authentic me I feel already that this has made me a better me. If there are times, when I can see no other change in me than that, I must take heart that this is worth it! I am in a place in my life I never ever thought I could actually reach. I fear sometimes I am not very brave, and I know how good I am at running away from things. But after years and years of operating this way, I'm honestly too tired to run away anymore. It is time to put my strengths and energies into fully making a life for myself that finally true.

Time to go practice a bit of self care, especially for my skin right now, take my pills, and then off to bed. I've been a little blue tonight, but tomorrow's another day to try again.

Infatuation... Audrey Hepburn

This page hasn't had any infatuation for some time now, so here's the big one for me... Audrey Hepburn. Hollywood has a rich history of beautiful starlets that have graced the silver screen, but she is definitively my favourite! She wasn't just a film star, she was an amazing woman who triumphed in her life after terrible hardships and disappointments, and became an icon of not just Hollywood but to the world, and she not only earned it -she deserved it. She played real life roles of wife, mother, and humanitarian and never wavered from her own sense of what was important to her. How could a guy not admire that... and of course, she was beautiful.

Some odd trivia from her bio on the Internet Movie Database:

She was of Belgian, Dutch, English and Irish descent.

During World War II, 16-year-old Audrey was a volunteer nurse in a Dutch hospital. During the battle of Arnhem, Hepburn's hospital received many wounded Allied soldiers. One of the injured soldiers young Audrey helped nurse back to health was a young British paratrooper - and future director - named Terence Young. More than 20 years later, Young directed Hepburn in Wait Until Dark (1967).

In Arnhem, Holland, during the Second World War, she worked with the Dutch Underground, giving ballet performances to collect donations for the anti-Nazi effort. -It was also portrayed in the film, The Audrey Hepburn Story, that she risked her life as a courier for the Dutch Underground.

Was fluent in English, Spanish, French, Dutch/Flemish and Italian.

She won the 1953 Best Actress Academy Award for Roman Holiday (1953). On March 25th, 1954, she accepted the award from the much revered Academy president Jean Hersholt. After accepting the award, Audrey kissed him smack on the mouth, instead of the cheek, in her excitement. Minutes after accepting her 1953 Oscar, Audrey realized that she'd misplaced it. Turning quickly on the steps of the Center Theater in New York, she raced back to the ladies' room, retrieved the award, and was ready to pose for photographs.

Interestingly... Forty years after she was presented with her 1953 Best Actress Oscar for "Roman Holiday" by actor and humanitarian Jean Hersholt, she would posthumously receive the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for her work with UNICEF.

Like Humphrey Bogart, Hepburn also starred in five of the movies listed by American Film Institute in its Top 100 U.S. love stories (2002). They are Roman Holiday (1953), ranked #4 on the list, Sabrina (1954) ranked #54, which co-starred Bogart, My Fair Lady (1964) ranked #12, Two for the Road (1967) at #57 and Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961) #61.

Died on January 20, 1993, the 67th birthday of Patricia Neal. They starred together in Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961).

Henry Mancini said of her: "'Moon River' was written for her. No one else had ever understood it so completely. There have been more than a thousand versions of 'Moon River', but hers is inquestionably the greatest".

And to that I agree. But see for yourself... and I've included a couple of other interesting clips. One of Miss Hepburn, winning the Academy Award in 1959, and one of her later in life reflecting on the work of UNICEF. And to learn more about UNICEF, just click here.