Distraction... Morrissey Lies

A friend sent this to me amlost a year ago, and I found it tonight and it really made me laugh.

From the Uncyclopedia:

The Lies Of Morrissey

Amongst the many writings of Morrissey are a collection of lies and heresies.

* "The more you ignore me, the closer I get"

Truth: Morrissey comes closer to you at a constant speed whether or not you ignore him. It's just more surprising if you ignore him.

* "As I live and breathe, you have killed me"

Truth: Morrissey is unkillable. Many have tried, all have failed.

* "There is a light that never goes out"

Truth: What? Where is this light? It would solve global warming!

* "If there's something you want to try, ask me I won't say no, how could I?"

Truth: Morrissey won't eat meat, even if you do want to try out a new recipe for a meat pie.

* "Meat is murder"

Truth: Meat is tasty!

* "Everyday is like Sunday..."

Truth: This man does not know the days of the week. There is post all week but not Sundays. Last time I checked, I get post on Thursdays.

* "I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear"

Truth: Morrissey owns several charming pink suede dresses. He could wear those.

* "I know I'm unlovable"

Truth: Morrissey is quite lovable. That's why he is so evil. However, by lovable, I mean that wet kitten kind of lovable. So pathetic that you like it.

* "So one day, if you're bored, by all means call me"

Truth: Morrissey doesn't list his phone number, so even though I am quite bored, I apparently can not call him.

* "You know I couldn't last"

Truth: Since 1983, we've been fighting Morrissey. He clearly can last.

* "Hey Gringo, it's sad though, because it's hard to walk tall when you're small"

Truth: It is nigh impossible to walk tall when you're small.

* "I've changed my plea to guilty"

Truth: Morrissey later said that he isn't sorry. Clearly, he didn't change his plea.

* "I keep mine hidden"

Truth: I don't know what he is referring to here, but I don't think he keeps it hidden.

* "You can shoot me , or you can throw me off a train"

Truth: He seemed less than pleased to be shot or thrown from a train , despite his request.

* "Girlfriend in a coma , I know I know , it's serious"

Truth: Morrissey's only girlfriend 'Gwen' was questioned in 1995 about her coma . She denied the coma , yet she controversially claimed in a 2002 interview that "I would stay in bed for weeks and he would think i was in a Coma . I decided a joke was a joke when he wrote a song about me".

* "Armageddon - come armageddon!Come, armageddon! come!"

Truth: Morrissey using his influence to call nuclear armageddon upon the Welsh city of Borth for its liberal, unMorrisey like, views.

* "I've never had a job, because I've never wanted one."

Truth: Morrissey was seen in December 2004 delivering pizza for Domino's in Los Angeles.


Oh Mozzer... so much to answer for...